Speaker: Amy Steingard

Wasn't the talk this past week fantastic?

Amy Steingard (a former MOPS member!) spoke to us about owning and living into our stories and the importance of vulnerability and owning our stories instead of allowing them to own us.

If you want to read more of her writing, Amy writes at her blog "Tiny Uprisings". On her blog she introduces herself, "I'm Amy.  A southern girl transplanted to the Pacific Northwest...mom to three amazing, spirited tiny humans, seeking to reclaim my own place in my own life.  It's easy to get lost in there, but I'm rising up and digging out! I'm a purpose-seeking, authenticity-loving, relationship-needing, beauty-creating, faith-hugging regular Jane, trying to make the most out of this one life here on earth and encourage other women to do the same.  It might be a bumpy ride, but hopefully you'll join me."

Thanks for sharing your story with us, Amy!

Stardust

by Kay Lambert

My two older boys are what you might call “obsessed” with all things space and aviation.  As a result, I’ve been gifted the opportunity to re-learn or learn for the first time many a fascinating fact about space travel, space exploration, and our great big universe.  In learning about stars, one of the visually striking topics that often comes up is that of nebulae.  Some nebulae are basically star nurseries.

“Stars are born when clouds of gas collapse down under the pull of gravity. In this photograph, new stars still within the dark cloud are beginning to glow at the tips of fingers of gas.  As the stars get brighter, their radiation will blow away the nearby gas, and they will eventually shine out as newborn stars.” - (the Eagle Nebula from The Ultimate Interactive Guide to the Universe)

When we think of our own stories, it’s easy to feel like it’s a great big fuzzy expanse of brightness, darkness, ice, heat and dust that somehow all happened in the life of little ol’ “me.”  But as time goes by, all of those things start to come together to tell a story, to form, if you will, a really bright star.  

Some of you may be familiar with the work of social scientist and storyteller extraordinaire, Brene Brown.  In her book, Rising Strong, she talks about the importance of owning our stories.  The chapter opens with the following quote:

“A map does not just chart, it unlocks and formulates meaning; it forms bridges between here and there, between disparate ideas that we did not know were previously connected.”

- Reif Larsen

When you look up at the stars and can pick out some of the constellations that we’ve all learned about, you can’t help but see these bright stars in relation to one another.  Whatever path you’ve been on, and whatever path you feel like you’re walking, running, hiking, or crawling on right now, I can’t help but marvel at the fact that, basically, all our stars have aligned, and here we are, together at MOPS.  

So I just want to send out this encouragement as we get the chance to share our own stories, and hear the stories of the other moms at each of our tables.  Our stories will be as unique, diverse, beautiful and numerous as the stars in the sky.  Who were some of the other stars in your story?  How did something that seemed like a big hot mess turn into a major pull of how you became who you are today?  How did you get from there to here?  

Looking forward to building these star maps of our lives together with you ladies.  Shine on, bright stars!

Paying it Forward (with a meal for a new mom)

I was so excited to recently hear back from a girl named Adrienne, the first lady I ever took a meal to in MOPS.  Or, ever, to be honest.  (I didn't even know that was a thing in my pre-mommy days.  Isn't that weird and sad?  It's hard to empathize with people in a stage of life you haven't arrived at yet, and I always find myself wishing I could turn back the hands of time in order to be more caring and sympathetic to all my friends/family who had babies long before I did.  It's really true that you just don't know what you don't know.  I digress....)  

My situation was that I had a baby myself, maybe ten months old.  A marriage on the rocks, all my own problems, worries, insecurities, no peripheral time for this sort of thing....BUT Mops asked that we do this.  And I was a member of MOPS, and didn't want to be the one not doing my part.  But in the spirit of honesty, I did NOT want to.  I didn't know any other women at MOPS, least of all this person I was bringing dinner to.  Would my son cooperate with this meal drop-off, or have a total meltdown since it WAS the dreaded "witching hour"?  I just had no idea.  

But I put on my my big girl pants, but not really my servant's heart, and drove some food over to Adrienne.  Adrienne was totally gracious, and welcoming, and brought me into her house to visit for a little while.  She had another daughter, and tons of toys to entertain my kiddo for a bit, and we just introduced ourselves, shared a bit of our mommying state of affairs, and had a pleasant little visit.  She was very appreciative of my trip & gift of food, and I could just sense that even in the midst of my own crises, she needed the help more than I did.  Because that's what having a newborn is like.  There is very little that that tops how difficult and time-consuming and overwhelming that is!  In that moment, I was so thankful that I had put my selfishness aside and just done it.  Not even because MOPS asked me to, but ultimately because I knew because God had asked me to.  It was the right thing to do, and I felt honored to be the one to help her out that particular day.

Fast forward a while, and I'm so happy to share this email with you:

* * * *

 I am writing you all the way from Luxembourg in Europe!  We moved here a year and a half ago from Seattle when my husband took a job at the Amazon EU office here in Luxembourg.  Since I have been here, I have begun a meal provision service for families with newborns at our church here in Luxembourg just like what you ladies do through MOPS because it meant SO much to me when I had a newborn in Seattle and hardly knew a soul.  My church has never done anything like that before, and the concept was a new one to many people here mostly because the congregation is a very diverse, multinational demographic, but the response has been overwhelmingly positive.  I just wanted you to know that the meals I received from MOPS leaders (I think we received 4 or 5), were such a blessing to our family and were such a tremendous help to me, and now other families abroad are being blessed in the same way, indirectly because of you ladies!  

Personally, one of MY favorite things about the meals from the MOPS group was that they didn't just provide a main course.  Most of them went above and beyond--sending side dishes and snacks for the kids and even dessert and drinks sometimes.  I think this is a wonderful example of God's love for us, how He doesn't just give us enough but blesses us abundantly more than we can ask or imagine.

-Adrienne Gross

* * * *

Fun fact: Adrienne is about to have her third baby now  :)  If you happened to know her and want to send a prayer up for her, I'm sure she'd appreciate it!

Thanks for sticking with me this week, you guys.  I hope we are all blessed by this ministry, whether we receive, or give to one another.  I'm so thankful to be a part of this group of women!

[ Kara White - MOPS Hospitality]

Welcoming a baby and receiving meals from MOPS moms

This may come as no surprise to you, but moms who have recently welcomed a baby into their family at MOPS love and appreciate when other members bring her and her family food! Throughout the year you will be getting emails asking you to sign-up to bring a new mom a meal, and we hope you participate and are able to bless a growing family by providing a meal.

Here is what some moms on the receiving end of these meals have to say:

+ "When I got meals delivered, my twins had just come home from the hospital and we had a very busy 2 year old.  Life was super chaotic and not having to make dinner was a huge help!  In fact, I had 4 women bring over meals with a main dish, a dessert, and some form of veggies!  It was amazing!  They all came in to meet the twins and hold a baby for a few minutes of baby free time for me!  I felt very loved and supported and like I was part of a larger community of mamas!  In a life with medically fragile twins, I felt very isolated and alone and this was a reconnection with people who loved us and supported us!  Thanks to the wonderful women who brought food and showered love on our family!" - Jennifer Burgess

+ "I can't even explain how meaningful the meals for new moms program has been for our family! My 2 month old son needed some last minute, unexpected surgery. When the two of us finally returned home from the hospital I was met by an attention deprived toddler and my house was in a state of disaster.  I was so exhausted and hardly ready to whip up a family dinner. Sarah from MOPS showed up at my door with a hot meal. I had never met her before, but I nearly broke down and cried because I was so thankful for her act of kindness. The meal that she brought ended up feeding us for several days. You never know how much you will bless a family when you prepare a meal for them. Thank you Sarah!" - Annie Doornink

+ "I had a rough start with motherhood--breastfeeding was a challenge and consuming all my time and energy.  I wasn't the best meal planner before my son arrived, which made the thought of planning and making dinner during those difficult months incredibly overwhelming.  My husband was very helpful, but I would still find myself feeling guilty when I didn't cook.  Days I knew I had a meal coming from another supportive mother, I felt instantly less anxious.  It may have seemed like a small thing, but during that emotional and transitional time, it felt like it was lifting a huge burden from my shoulders." - Stacy Anderson

+ "When I joined MOPS 2 weeks after my oldest daughter (now almost 6) was born, my table leader asked if I wanted meals.  I was brand new and didn't know it was the norm, so I declined.  Over the next couple years, I had the privilege of bringing meals to new moms, and so when I was pregnant with my second daughter, I was really excited for my turn to receive the MOPS meals.  It was everything I had hoped for :).  Three years later, I still remember exactly who brought what, and those meals were so wonderful.   The store-bought meals were just as thoughtful and appreciated as the homemade.  I was later blessed with more meals for my third child, and again, I remember each and every meal and each and every smiling face who brought them.  Those meals are almost worth having another baby! :)" - Nikki Ahrenholz

+ "My son was a few months old when I joined MOPS and I was encouraged that it wasn't "too late" for me to get in on some meal help. I signed up in a heartbeat! I was truly touched to see moms I'd never met arrive on my doorstep, often with a toddler on their hip, to deliver a beautiful meal to me. I remember a delicious chowder, a wonderful chicken pot pie, and a time somewhere in my son's early months when someone slipped in a bag of a dozen chocolate chip cookies that made my whole WEEK better. One of the times when a meal was delivered, my son was very fussy and I was distressed about it. I mentioned it to the mom and she stopped and talked to me for a few minutes about it. I felt less alone. I have been SO blessed by meals from MOPS moms. I honestly think it's what has made me so much more willing to help out new moms in my community. I used to never feel I had the time. Now I'm honestly excited to do it when I can because I knew how it feels to receive it!" - Elise Stephens

+ "As for me, the meals that were the most meaningful were the ones that came from total strangers. I absolutely could not believe that in the world of such busyness, a mom who didn't even know me would take the time and love to cook a meal and deliver it to my home, giving me such a gift of being able to just enjoy my little one and this precious transitional time. It truly felt like receiving the love of Jesus." - Melissa Roe

Please keep your eyes open for opportunities to bring meals to new moms throughout this year!

Notes from the 'School Choices' Talk

Preparing for Kindergarten (or preparing for September after a summer at home!)

Allow your child to experience conflict—don’t rush in to save your child. When kids have been allowed to engage in conflict with siblings and peers, they are more prepared for the stress of Kindergarten. These kids have thicker skin, are less troubled by other children and able to self-manage better on the playground. Support your child by modeling problem solving strategies, identifying big emotions and coaching your child in how to use words to solve problems. Around 4, or when your child is developmentally ready, begin to use language like “Kid problem” and “Grown-Up” problem, or “Small problem and “Big problem”. When tattling begins, you can say, “That sounds like a kid problem! I can’t wait to see how you solve that problem, go try it out and come back and tell me how it went.” Then debrief with your child about strategies he/she tried. Call your child a “problem solver” frequently.

Model excitement. I love the saying “Act, don’t yak.” We can tell our child that school will be fantastic, but they are going to absorb far more of our actions than our words. It’s so easy to say “Mommy’s baby is growing up and going to leave for Kindergarten!” or for your child to overhear you saying “I’m just going to lose it when I drop him off for his first day.” Instead, embrace the story of your Kindergarten child. This is a great time to share your own funny memories or favorite experiences from school. Early in the summer, begin frequent talk about Kindergarten and identify character traits that will help your child be successful. “You are such a hard worker, you’re going to love doing worksheets” or “you are such a funny kid, I just know everyone will think you’re hilarious!”

Visit the school—take a picnic to the school playground, peek in windows, walk your route to school as a family. PTAs often host play dates in the park—participate in these and any other summer time activities. You could also attend a school event (ice cream social, etc) in the Spring if you have a friend with a school age child that you could join.

Play school! Set up your own school room and play school with your child. Put stuffed animals in rows on the carpet for story time. Take turns being the teacher and singing the alphabet, talking about the weather, lining up for recess. Make it fun!

Prepare for big changes in your child. I could barely recognize my daughter for the first 4 months of Kindergarten. It costs children so much to be “on” all day—the job of following directions and focusing all day is enormous for little ones. When your child returns to the safety of your home, you may see behaviors that you haven’t seen since the toddler years—this is very normal. Your child trusts you and feels safe to let it all out. After a BIG snack, have a quiet time after school with few expectations so your child can decompress. Early bedtimes in Kindergarten are key—most kids need to be in bed at 7.

Separation Anxiety

Find special ways to help your child feel connected to you during the school day.

· Check out the story “The Kissing Hand.” This is a wonderful story of a baby raccoon who is nervous to leave him mom and begin school. They kiss each other’s palms before leaving and carry around the kiss throughout the school day. This works well for kids with big imaginations.

· In the morning, my husband rubs my daughter’s wrist on his face and she carries around the scent of his after-shave throughout the day.

· Put notes in his lunchbox. Allow your child to hide a special note for you too.
You can do some play therapy if you recognize anxiety in your child. Get out your teddy bears and little people and pretend that teddy is riding the school bus or teddy is at recess and needs to go potty. Narrate your child’s play—she may act out fears or worries that can give you some insight into what is troubling your child.

When your child is having problems at school

Listen without judgment and resist the urge to advise. Certainly none of us moms would think of ourselves as judging our kids, but it is so easy to want to share our own wisdom with our children. We remember our own struggles through childhood, and we have great ideas or we want to help our children avoid mistakes that we have made. As a counselor, when I give kids great ideas to try at recess to address a problem, they will almost never try my idea or try it with any success. But when I listen, and rephrase and saying things like “I wonder…” and allow that child to come up with his own ideas, he is much more likely to try out that idea and experience success. Not only have I empowered that child, but I’ve coached them with skills for solving future problems. This is also the best time to lay a foundation of respect with your children—to be a safe person to talk to so that when those tumultuous teen years arrive, you will be an ally for your children, not a critic.

Let the school handle discipline. When your child is getting in trouble at school, you may go into fix mode—calling family meetings about the problem, taking away privileges, or daily talks about the behavior. It’s the same feeling as when your child hits another child on the playground—it can feel embarrassing or feel like a reflection on our parenting—so we go into fix mode. But the school is well equipped to redirect your child’s behavior, impose consequences or other limits. Let the school do its job. Your job, then, is to fill your child up with as much love and encouragement as possible. Your child should know that you are communicating with the teacher and aware of what is going on and that you have high expectations for behavior, but beyond that, think of your responsibilities as increasing snuggle time, building in one-on-one time, showering your child with words of praise and affirmation. When you have spent the evening filing up your child with unconditional love, you have prepared them to face their day and given them strength to try again.

Be visible in the community. In the fall—begin finding ways to be connected to the school community. Help in your child’s classroom, introduce yourself personally to the principal (you’ll probably have to be the one to reach out beyond a smile or hello), be visible in the office area making copies or doing other projects. When you have built a relationship, it is much easier to make requests and address problems later on. There will be a feeling of togetherness when you raise concerns.

Address problems with the school respectfully. We have all felt “mama bear” come out, even the meekest of us. I have worked with so many parents and fielded calls of all kinds of concerns. The more positive you are and the more the school views you as a partner, the better your results will be from the school. But there is more than that. We have an opportunity as moms and Christians to model love and grace for our children, their peers and the school community. Perhaps a child is being bullied. 99% of families will say—“my child is being bullied, what is the school going to do to address this problem?” I’ll never forget the call I got from a father three years ago. His daughter was being bullied by a student. He told me how they had been helping their daughter stand up for herself and ask adults for help but that the problem was continuing. He asked if as a school we would support his daughter by intervening. But he went beyond that to say that they had been talking to their daughter about loving this boy, praying for him, recognizing that his life at home was difficult. They were planning to invite him over after school because they knew his life was difficult. I felt so blessed to witness this posture of grace, and I know that the classroom teacher and the boy’s family were touched as well. It’s important to request help and set boundaries, but embrace these opportunities to show God’s character. People will see and feel from your family that something is different. Something very good and very grace-filled.

Playdates, playdates, playdates. Your child may have a lot of family or neighborhood friends. But to help your child feel comfortable in class, organize as many playdates for your child as you can, especially in the fall. You can even invite over a classmate who has been unkind to your child in the past—this can help your kids find things in common and perhaps deter future conflict.